Hello All!! Thank you for spending this moment with me. I hope you enjoy this entry.
Forgiveness,Because You Deserve It!
You ever wake up and realize that you have been asleep?
I mean, sleepwalking through life just mostly existing. Just going through the motions but not really there.
Inside you are filled with so much pain, you are hardly ever in the present but somewhere lost in the nightmare of the past that makes you feel ugly, unloved, and worthless.
All you want are these feelings to end.
But, they don’t. The feelings repeat themselves over and over.
What I want to tell you is that the past is over, and there is no need to go back and spend time there. Especially, if you go back to events that are of no service to you.
If you do decide to visit the past, go back to the events that bring you joy. Go to the moments that make you smile and give you warm fuzzy feelings. Only, those memories are of service to you.
Going back to past hurts can derail you. It can take you to a place of darkness.
Yes, I know you have been hurt in the past and your pain is part of who you are. I understand it is hard for you to stay out of the past because of the pain you feel.
But, my question for you is, “Is it part of who you are?”
Or, “Is it, who you are?”
There is a difference between the two and there are many of us walking around that have become our pain.
If you can be honest and say that it is in fact who you are, the next question I want you to ask yourself is,
“Are you being fair to yourself by spending your entire life engulfed in the hurt?”
Regardless of if the pain is part of who you are or if it is who you are, you need to know that you don’t have to walk through life consumed with sorrow.
There is happiness on the other side of how you feel and it is possible for you to get there.
But, only YOU can do what is needed to get there.
I know, people caused you pain.
You were raped by your mother’s boyfriend.
You mother picked drugs over you and you were raised in the foster care system.
You were abused by people in a religious setting that you should have been able to trust.
Your father left your Mother, only to be with another woman and raise her children while your Mother struggled to raise you.
Go ahead add your painful experiences to the list.We can go on and on about our list of pains and reasons for them.We can continue to discuss them and feel justified for feeling them.
We wouldn’t necessarily be wrong in doing this but we wouldn’t be right either.
I want you to know that I am in no way dismissing your pain but it is time to go on with your life. It is time to let the pain go.
The pain that you have endured is not something that should just be swept under the rug but it is something that you should release.
By releasing it, you take back your power.
Or better yet, you discover a power you never knew existed.
Carrying your pain around is like grabbing the biggest kitchen knife out of the knife block, then wrapping your hand tightly around the blade. You are gripping it with all your might while raising the knife and pointing the handle towards the person or people that hurt or offended you.
Notice how the handle points at the other person and does not hurt them, at all. You, with the blade wrapped tightly in your hand are the only one walking around a bloody mess in this equation.
While you walk around holding the blade deep into your palm still holding onto past pains what you need to know is, there is a chance that some of people that hurt you may not be bothered by what they did to you.
Or, some might be remorseful but they will never feel the way you do about the situation. They aren’t the one hurting so they are never going to be able to feel your pain like you do.
In most situations, people that have caused the pain have gone on with their lives and honestly they may never even give you or what they did to you a second thought.
That is why you have to let go of the pain because while time has moved on they are out in the world living, breathing, loving, getting married, having babies, graduating from college, creating businesses, and thriving.
While, you are just stuck and stagnant.
It is time to get unstuck and end the committed relationship that you have entered into with your pain. NOW.
Put the knife down.
I know you are wondering, how do I get unstuck? The only word to use in this case is forgiveness.
Yes, I said it, good old forgiveness.
I understand that forgiveness does not come easy. It is something that you have to go deep down on the inside to pull out.
So, now you want to know how to forgive or what to do.
The key that has helped me the absolute most when it comes to forgiveness is opening my eyes to see that people that are hurt, hurt people. I know this sounds like a corny line. But, read it again, out loud slowly. Hurt people, hurt people.
People that are in pain and haven’t gone through a journey of healing, carry their pain around. Sadly, they walk around transferring the pain from person to person. Because they hurt and haven’t dealt with the hurt, they hurt others. By forgiving them we free ourselves from the hurt. Also, you stop the cycle of hurt.
I know that some of the pain that has been inflicted upon you might have been sadistic. Most times when a person hurts you in this way there is a chance that the person has been hurt in the same way. They may have had the mindset that no one cared when it happened to them so why should they care about inflicting the same pain to others. Or, they may not necessarily want to hurt others but they do it because they have not gotten treatment to process what happened to them. They haven’t dealt with it properly.
So, they go about doing the hurtful, heart breaking actions that were done to them to other people. I know that type of pain can be the hardest to forgive but please know that it is necessary, for your peace of mind.
Another realization that helped me tremendously is understanding that most of the people that hurt me didn’t know that what they said or did would hurt me. I can honestly look back on events in my life and say that I know for sure that if people knew that I would carry around pain from their comments and actions for over twenty plus years they would have changed what they said and did to me.
Let us talk about the people that hurt you and may have even told you that they don’t care. Or they have shown through their actions that what they did to you doesn’t matter to them. For this situation, I want you to really think about how out of all the people that have hurt you it is important that you forgive this person the most.
I say forgive them the most because they are not in tune with what they did and are refusing to accept responsibility. Just imagine what type of life this person is living on the inside. It isn’t pleasant, at all.
You MUST take back all your power by forgiving them. The last thing you want to do is continue to let someone that has tricked themselves into believing they did nothing wrong to you, to rule your life. Should this person that is so disconnected with reality hold your joy and your power in their hands? Absolutely, NOT.
Grab your joy and power back from them with everything in you.
Always remember that forgiveness is something you should do. It should not be done because the person that hurt you deserves it. It is because, YOU DESERVE IT.
You deserve to live a life that is full with love, where you wake up every morning so excited to have a fresh start. Forgiveness will allow you to do this.
I want you to know just because you have forgiven someone does not mean you have to grant them access to you. It means that you don’t hold yourself hostage over the pain that they caused you any longer.
Stop going back to your painful past. When you do, you wear your hurt around like a cloak of despair that weighs you down, causes you to slip and tumble to a place of darkness that you have to fight to get out of.
In order to avoid this, stay in the present moment.
You can only be present by staying in the moment.
When you live a PRESENT LIFE, it helps you realize that the present is truly a present. I know, another corny line. Once again, repeat it to yourself slowly. The present, is truly a present.
The present, meaning this exact moment you have right now that you will never get back is all that matters. The fact that you are alive right now in this moment and are able to make the best of this moment is truly a present.
The present, is the only place you ever need to be in life.
When it comes to being present some can master this skill easily while others find it difficult.
A small exercise to get you started is for you to make a list of things in your life that you are thankful for.
If you are saying, “I have nothing to be thankful for.”
We can start with the basics, meaning whatever senses that you are equipped with. Yes, I am starting elementary school level with you.
Go ahead, pull out some paper or pull up your memo note app. It is ok, I will wait. I am here to start you off.
I am thankful for my ability to get up in the morning and see my beautiful/handsome face in the mirror.
I am thankful for being able to taste the food that I enjoy.
I am thankful for being able to reach out and touch a loved one in kindness.
I am thankful that I am able to listen to my favorite songs.
I am thankful that I am able to see my favorite people everyday.
I am thankful for being able to smell the scent of the cologne or perfume I put on today.
Do you have a job? Add that.
A place to live? Add that.
Food to eat? Add that.
Bills paid? Add that.
Good Health? Add that.
Yes!!!! I am so excited that you are making out this list. As you think of more things, continue to add them.
Once you have all that you are thankful for listed, look at the list.
Yes, I know you wrote the list and you know what is on the list but go back and REALLY look at it.
Do you feel that?
It is, gratitude.
It feels good, doesn’t it? You know what else?
Right now, in this moment, you are PRESENT.
Not only are you are present, you are thankful. These two gifts are two of the MOST POWERFUL gifts that you could ever give yourself. You are experiencing them both at the same time.
When you are present there is no end to how high you can soar. In your state of being present, you can take the steps to accomplish any goals that you set for yourself. If you focus on being present and creating a master plan you will find that you are too busy to go anywhere else.
You especially will not want to go back and reach to areas of your life that don’t make you feel good.
Who has time for that?
Take advantage of your gratitude list. Pull it out each day, and spend time with it while continuing to allow your feelings of being present and thankful wash over you.
My gratitude list is posted in my master bathroom, various places in my bedroom and throughout my apartment. If you are able to post it around your living spaces, go for it. If not, then just be sure you pull out the list each day.
The gratitude exercise is a quick exercise to do in order to get started on your journey to healing and being happy. I realize it is enough to get many started but I know some of us are going to need more.
Now that you are on your way to a journey of healing, forgiveness, and happiness consider seeking more assistance to help you navigate your journey.
If you think you would benefit from counseling/treatment, go seek it out. For many of us, in order to go to counseling/treatment we must fight against the stigmas that are tied to getting help. Put yourself first and get the help you need.
Find a professional to talk to and determine what type of plan works for you. Seeking counseling/treatment will help you process things that have happened to you and help you take the steps to release them.
I know you love your Mama, your best friend, your wife, or your husband but if you feel like you need counseling/treatment and you know that any of these people may talk you out of it, don’t tell them you are going.
I don’t advocate keeping secrets from your loved ones but I do advocate taking care of yourself.
Think about it, making the choice to not get counseling/treatment even if you feel like it would help you, only hurts you.
Spiritual/Self-Help Books and Movies/Documentaries
There are so many different authors that are writing about what you have gone or are going through. Most authors are writing from experience either through events they have gone through or they have counseled others through.
These authors include:
Dr. Wayne Dyer (RIP)
Don Miguel Ruiz
This is just a short list to get you started.
In addition, to books there are movies, documentaries, and videos that can assist with this topic. My absolute favorite is The Secret. Using principles in The Secret, like the gratitude exercise has enabled me to change my life in many ways. I am sure there are many other titles available to help you. Take some time to seek them out.
YouTube is a great resource. One YouTuber I follow is Xandria Ooi. She has many videos about happiness. She is definitely worth checking out.
Your Religious Text and Prayers
If you identify with a religion and there are books and prayers tied to that religion then I am sure that it would be beneficial to use those prayers and text.
My Vision For Us All
I have spent so many years being shackled down by chains. I know I am not the only one
Let us make this year, the year that we get free.
Let us take care of ourselves so that we can start accomplising these goals that we set for ourselves and chase after new ones.
2018 is the year that can set us up for the rest of our lives and only we can make that happen.
Always remember, that forgiveness is for no one else, but you.